Who Says A Good Man Is Hard To Find?

"Seek your happiness in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart” ~ Psalm 37:4 (GNT)

I believe much of what God puts on my heart to write about is universal and can apply to anyone, male or female, married or single. But as a single mother, I am a passionate about helping other single mothers and believe it is part of my purpose to share some of what I have learned on my journey. Dating is something that has taken a back seat to raising my children. But now that they are older I am giving more thought to what being in a relationship is all about. So in today’s post I would like to recommend a book for single women that desire a relationship or someone that may be in a relationship but may not be sure if he is “The One”. The book is titled, “A Good Man is Hard to Find: Unless You Ask God to Be Head of Your Search Committee”, by Jo Lynne Pool.

The author writes about how women often focus on what they want in a man, not what they need. When I read the book, it made me think about the recruitment and hiring process at work. Our Recruiters are the head of the search committee. When searching for candidates, the Recruiters ask the hiring manager what they are looking for in a candidate. More specifically what are the “must haves” and “nice to haves”. It’s a simple strategy of “needs versus wants”. After pulling together a list of qualified candidates, the candidate that possesses most of what the hiring manager needs (must haves) is usually selected because needs typically trump wants. Sometimes they are lucky and get some of what they want (nice to haves) as icing on the cake.

Perhaps the old adage, “A good man is hard to find”, is only true because we haven’t executed the right strategy. We haven’t put the right "Recruiter" in charge of finding qualified candidates to fill this critical position in our lives.

An excerpt of the book reads: “God has mandated that he meet your basic needs. Unfortunately, this does not include your whims, fleeting desires, or fantasies. Sure it might be nice if he could be tall, smart, and handsome; buy you a nice big house; and gratify your urge to “shop til you drop”. However these pleasant attributes are not enough to make you happy with him over the long haul because they do not reflect your true needs.” Jo Lynne Pool goes on to write, “God will supply all your needs. When you truly need a husband, not just a sex partner or a friend, then He is faithful and prompt to supply all your needs. But your need, the sincere desire of your heart, must be there first. God answers prayers and meets needs. The need in your life for a husband must never be targeted as a need for a specific man. Instead of targeting a specific guy, leave that part up to the Lord. He already has the right man in mind for you. So let Him handle it.”

Scripture says that God will give us the desires of our heart however it is often misinterpreted that God will give us what we want. What we need tends to be internal (character qualities) while our wants are found externally (physical qualities). Matters of the heart are not external or on the surface level, they are much deeper. What your heart sincerely needs may not be visible, tangible, or easily recognizable, much like God. But as we really get to know God, we will better understand the difference between our needs and our wants. As we learn to follow His lead we will develop a heart like His. Then and only then will we know what we really need to fulfill His purpose for relationship and marriage.

“A Good Man Is Hard To Find: Unless You Ask God to Be Head of Your Search Committee” was a good read and an even better reference guide. I found it to be very insightful. It brought some clarity to what God has in mind for each and every one of us if we just let Him handle it. I kind of like the idea of getting my needs over my wants. I think I would enjoy cake without icing much more than I would icing without cake. I'm just saying...

Remember you are not alone.

Embrace and enjoy the journey...

God Bless!