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Co-Parenting With Christ: "For the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you" ~ Deuteronomy 31:5-7

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Uplifting, inspiring, and encouraging single mothers to embrace and enjoy the journey of single parenthood.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Let Go and Don't Hold On

Do not refuse to let them go. Do not keep holding them back.” ~ Exodus 9:2 (NIRV)

A few days ago I was having a discussion with a co-worker about raising young adult children. She was reflecting on her experience as a single mother and when her youngest son left home to attend college. She described it as a bittersweet experience that I could absolutely relate to. She said something that really made me think about how I have handled situations throughout my life when I needed to let go. She said, “Letting go is one thing, not holding on is really the hard part.”

Initially her comment confused me a little. It sounded like an oxymoron. How could I still be holding on if I had already let go? But as I thought about some of my past experiences, I realized that letting go of someone in your mind is very different than holding on to someone in your heart.

As I thought back to when my son left home a few months ago, it really began to make sense to me. Accepting the fact that he would no longer be coming home from school every day was the process of “letting go”. Understanding that I can no longer be emotionally involved, solving all of his problems or alleviating all of his concerns was the process of “not holding on”. It was a true detachment of the umbilical cord. Of course that doesn’t mean that I stop loving him or that I can no longer “be there” for him. I will always love him and be there for him, just in a different way.

This detachment process is similar in relationships. When the relationship has run its course we need to let go in our minds and stop holding on in our hearts. When I realized my relationship with my children’s Father had ended, it was out of sight out of mind. I believed I had let go. In my mind I had. He was free to do whatever with whomever. But in my heart, for many years after the relationship ended, I held on to the idea that maybe, just maybe things could be the way they were again. It wasn’t until I released him from my heart that I really felt free to move forward and so did he.

One way to tell if you have let go and aren’t holding on anymore is to examine if your actions line up with your words. My co-worker went on to tell me a story about the day she visited her son at his dorm room to deliver groceries for him and his roommates. Her intentions were good, but the help was unsolicited. Her son was appreciative of the delivery, but at the same time he was concerned that she was having a hard time letting go. As he walked her to her car, he told her how much he loved her and that he would be okay, not to worry. But he asked her not to come to his dorm unless invited. Her actions did not line up to what she had been telling herself and her son about her ability to let go and allow him to begin his journey.

Now that may seem extreme, and maybe we would never do something like that. But there are some ways that we have demonstrated to another person that we are still holding on in our hearts even though we've told them that we have let go and have move on.

This idea of trully letting go is another life lesson that is so much easier to teach than it is to apply. But scripture says that we are to let go and keep from holding on to what does not belong to us. When we refuse to let go AND continue to hold on, we can potentially limit our growth and the growth of who or what we are holding on to. The first step is admitting that you really haven't let go yet. Once you do this you will be able to free your mind, free your heart, and ultimately free yourself and those that may still be in your grasp.

Remember you are not alone.

Embrace and enjoy the journey...

God Bless!










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